if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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