did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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