Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
