Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
