kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
