Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
