I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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