Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
