do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
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I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
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It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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