And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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