Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
