He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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