Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
