she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
