Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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