I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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