God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
