Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
