i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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