There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
