Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
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