There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
