I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
