He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize