i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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