My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
