I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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