Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
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Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
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Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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