My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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