I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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