The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
