i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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