OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
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You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
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That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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