I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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