i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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