if i can run in heels then i can drive
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize