I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
