Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
