Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
