Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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