shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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