just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
