Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
