I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
