I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
