"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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