4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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