I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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