I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
