OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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