i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
