im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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