To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
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THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
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I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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