yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
