How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
This baby is an asshole
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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