omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
