He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
