she smelled like a LAN party
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
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He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
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Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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