Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
