so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
