My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
