i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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