were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
