Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
