No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
