i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I smell like Dick and happiness
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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