have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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