i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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