hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
