I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
