You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
