watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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