I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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