Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
