what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
