I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
