i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
