I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
