my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
