do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Even my vagina gasped.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Randomize
